Inferred Pain... and Hair

Ugh.  This is a crappy story and I don't like it.
But it's true and therefore real and as such I feel obligated to post it.

About four and a half years ago, a good friend referred me to a hair dresser.  I am about as low maintenance as a girl gets, and I hate having to mess with hair.  I haven't worn make-up in about fifteen years because I'm just not willing to bother with it.  But, my hair (ironically since I could care less about it) grows super fast.  Cuts, unfortunately, are necessary.  So, I went to see the hairdresser, whom I will call Mimi, and I loved her.  She had great individual style, listened to me well enough to understand that any hair creation that she gave me would have to take a maximum of five minutes for me to fix each morning or I wouldn't do it and gave me a style that worked.  For the first time ever, I had a hair that I would actually style consistently rather than trying it for a couple days then falling back into my ponytail habit.

Because I was still deeply entrenched in the NFOO, I referred NM and NOSis to her.

Six months later, I was dug into the trenches on the front lines of the battle for my sanity with the NFOO and found it necessary to declare no contact (at least outside of a counselor's office.)  And in the meantime, NOSis and NM had stolen my damn hairdresser.  Mimi was a sort of single mom (had a boyfriend but not yet married/living together) and apparently needed help with her daughter, who I believe was about 9 or 10 at the time.  NOSis started watching Mimi's daughter.  Mimi got sucked in.  I took the high road and decided that I didn't want to put Mimi in a bad position, so I stopped making appointments with her.  It's been four years since I've had a decent hair cut.

Fast forward to the present.  I am still friends with the friend who originally referred me to Mimi.  I heard from this friend about six weeks ago that my NFOO had done almost exactly the same thing to Mimi and her daughter that they did to me and mine.  Mimi was aware enough of healthy boundaries to call them out on their violations with both Mimi and her sweet daughter - who was obviously being groomed to be a new scapegoat.  They reacted to Mimi's boundaries by violating them.  Mimi stood her ground.  Violence ensued.

Today I heard from my friend that now, six weeks later, the NFOO - and particularly NOSis - are still attacking.  They're calling and emailing and showing up at Mimi's work to attack her and demand access to her daughter.  Anybody who hasn't lived through this would be flabbergasted by the behavior, as my friend was.  To me, unfortunately, it's a re-run.  I remember the pain of those vicious attacks vividly.  I remember my bewilderment at the actions of people who supposedly cared for me.

I called Mimi and left her a message; I don't know what comfort she's willing to accept, but I can at the very least tell her that she's not alone and that this is about them, not her.  I hope she calls me back.  I hope that she can hear that truth and take it to heart.

And if it goes well, maybe I'll finally have manageable hair again in the near future.

In the meantime, I'm just heartbroken for her and her daughter.  I'm sending happy thoughts their way tonight. If you know what the pain of these kinds of attacks feels like, please send your happy thoughts out for Mimi, too.

Love,
Vanci