There have been so many awesome posts up lately. From the bloggers that were here when I arrived on this scene to the newly arrived, man, we're throwing some seriously good writing, great ideas and fan-fucking-tastic conversation around this ACoNverse.
I hear us talking about:
Overcoming fear.
Re-thinking doubts.
Standing tall.
Reaching out.
Our right to be heard.
Protecting ourselves.
Changing our minds.
Sharing our souls.
Spiritual journeys.
I hear us saying these things with:
Grace.
Intelligence.
Joy.
Humor.
Beauty.
Wisdom.
Hard-won experience.
Correctly directed anger.
I hear us saying that we are:
Stronger than we thought we were.
Able to take care of ourselves.
Smart enough to know better.
Willing to break our chains.
Wiser than we should be.
Willing to pass it on.
Hopeful for our futures.
Accepting of our reflections.
Gentle enough to help.
Kinder than kisses.
I hear a group of people who were intentionally and maliciously broken down to lower than low, laid flat by evil people, forced into subservience and humiliated at every turn, beaten to a pulp and left isolated and alone inches from death of one sort or another.
I hear that same group of people reaching out to each other and the world at large and speaking in their true voices, calling out to the stars and sea and saying, like all the little Whos in Whoville, We are here! We are here! We are here!
We talk so much about the Narcs. We detail their offenses to the most minute fragment. We re-live the power that they had over us, the horrors that they inflicted on us, the pain that they caused us and their shadows that still lurk waiting for us in so many dark alleys. We have to, we speak out so that others can know.
We talk, too, about getting away from them, in inches or in leaps, and the how and the steps of that process. We talk about surviving, cherishing, thriving, feeling, loving, living and the ways that all those states improve when we are Narc-limited, Narc-less, Narc-free.
They tried to make us theirs,all theirs; readily available for their consumption and soul-killing fulfillment. And when they couldn't, they tried to make us monsters. And in doing so, they discounted our strength and thereby created something that they fear.
To their dismay, their best efforts only served to create truth-tellers, light-seekers, hope-spreaders, joy-sharers, memory-keepers, path-walkers, precious human beings who will never be defeated. We are not to be trifled with, we are stronger than strong, smarter than smart and I just have to say out loud that after jumping around and reading so many of the awesome posts and comments that have hit these pages in the last week or so that I've come to one conclusion.
We, my friends, in all our different incarnations, are some Bad Mother Fuckers.
And I love that about this place.
As TW says, BLOG ON!
Love,
Vanci
Do I hear Angel and associates singing We Are the Champions at Lorne's karaoke? I damn think I do :)
ReplyDeletevi,
DeleteYou know, I think you hear that. Yes, I think we do.
I laughed when I read this, though, cause I think it's indicative of how very odd I am sometimes that I wrote a post that included references to the late great Dr. Suess and the work of Quentin Tarantino that sounded like an imitation of a Queen song if sung by fictional demon-slayers.
Viva la Weirdness!
Love,
Vanci
Great post, thank you. I use these these blogs as they should be, a light where there used to be just darkness. I love but also NEED the bare-faced truths these blogs offer. The in-in-your-face realities of other people's experiences and actions are so overwhelmingly refreshing and encouraging.
ReplyDeleteThanks again.
DM,
DeleteThank you for reading. I'm so glad that what you've found out here in the ether is helpful to you, and I concur that I NEED these blogs and this place to remember, overcome and heal, too.
Love,
Vanci
Paying-it-forward is the best revenge!
ReplyDeletemulderfan,
DeleteLiving a good life, sharing what I know. What a 180 from what I thought my life would be when I first crawled away up and out of the torture chamber. What a gift, what a blessing to have all of you as the cyber members of my FOC.
Love,
Vanci
Vanci, you and a few others have been the safety net that kept me from falling into the abyss. You may never know how much light and hope you pass on.
ReplyDeleteBrace,
DeleteThank you. I'm glad that what I have to say can help, and so glad that you are taking care of yourself. Not to get all Zen, but I can only give what I've been given by others, and I like that I get to be a link in the chain of hope and light.
Love,
Vanci
Woot woot!!
ReplyDeleteupsi,
DeleteAnd a woot right back atcha!
Love,
Vanci
Bada Bing!
ReplyDeleteQ,
DeleteBada boom.
Do you know that I smile every time I see your pig icon?
Every damn time. Like this: :).
Love,
Vanci
Beautiful Vanci!
ReplyDeletejessie,
DeleteThank you!
Love,
Vanci
Vanci, I am a ACON of two MN parents, i also have 6 siblings and we all had to grow up in the torture chamber of the FOO we were born into. i am 38 now, but last year i heard the term Narcissistic on the news. i decided to look it up on the internet and found the ACON blogs, along with yours. i cant tell you how much you and the fellow ACON bloggers have pretty much saved my life. i am also a victem of sexual abuse. My Uncle molested my sister and i, possibly more of my siblings. Along with the Narc abuse in my daily childhood, i was somehow strong enough to survive. I finally am able to see the TRUTH. tHANK YOU for writing about the truth.And how we have to have the courage to protect ourseves from the abuse. This is the part of healing i am in. The TRUTH and PROTECTING myself and my family. I will not let my parents steal my happieness and make me a voicless ragdoll for them to get their kicks out of abusing me. I told them not to visit me or my children.(They live far away and sometimes want to "visit my kids- their Grandchildren" )I told them that the anormity of their abuse has boggled my mind and do you know what they said, " you are angry, you are living in the past- and then from NM- SILENCE. i told her about abuser Uncle, and alls she has is SILENCE- nothing. i think she is planning her next move. But thanks to you i am prepared. i feel like crying even typing this. but they are almost tears of joy, because i now know i am not crazy, and i can deal with this. i am sticking to the truth. And what peoples actions tell me. And the greatest thing is that ever since about a year ago when i went NC is that my PTSD symptoms have decreased and my relationship with my husband and Kids has gotten better. i am healing. Thank you, This post is so true, you are helping people by writing about the Narcs. Saving people years of heartache and possibly death. Thank you to the bloggers who keep their blogs public, it takes a lot of bravery but you are communicating priceless information. I plan on teaching my kids about Narcissists. I am telling my siblings about it before my Parents possibly desroy them more mentally. Muchas Gracias
ReplyDeleteAnon,
DeleteI'm so happy that you've found help out here in the big WWW. Good for you for taking care of yourself and your children and for creating the space and distance you need to heal.
Good luck with your sibs, I hope that they can see as well as you have. My experience with my sibs was that they didn't want to see, unfortunately.
Denada.
Love,
Vanci
Wow, anon. I got tears in my eyes reading your comment. I'm so glad you found Vanci and are feeling less alone. I know these blogs saved me too.
DeleteThank You Vicarious, your comment means a lot.A whole lot. I think i read your blog previously and you are a good writer. I appreciate your understanding. I read a good quote today by a science fiction writer, though i have never read any of his books - George RR Martin- "The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow". This made sense to me because sometimes i feel i have to burn really bright/hot to keep alive after all the Narc bs in my life to stay alive, but with my Acon past i have a very dark shadow. MG
DeleteYou all are beacons in a wild storm on the ocean. Each of us are in our own life rafts. And those huge ocean swells we ride up on hoping like hell we don't get swamped and at the apex, that moment of topping yet another wave, we SEE the lights from other rafts shining around us and no, we're not alone.
ReplyDeleteEven when we're riding on the down side of that huge wave, into the where we can't see anything but what's in front of us, we know there ARE other "Survivors."
And sometimes, that's just enough to keep ya bailing, hoping and believing there will be life after this.
That's enough: More than we could have dreamed of, nothing less than a miracle.
TW
TW,
DeleteAmen to that. This little light of mine... I'm gonna let it shine! :)
It's good to be in this crowd, even when we are adrift.
Love,
Vanci
To the anonymous poster. It's pretty cool that after a life of looking at your parent and waiting for horns to sprout out of their head, and being called a spoiled brat anytime you tried to tell someone what kind of a parent you really have, and then to find out they actually have a name for the type of freak you had to live with, and there are a lot of people that have this shared experience even though they have probably never been in the same state at the same time.
ReplyDeleteIt's very validating.
And you get the confirmation that it really is them and not you.
Q,
DeleteIt is pretty cool, isn't it?
Giving the devil a name has power, and realizing that we're not alone has so much power too.
Love,
Vanci
It is so cool to know i am not the only one dealing with the sly manipulation, the dread, and the attacks. It is cool because i now have knowlege, and knowlege is power against these Narcs. Power to protect my children and have happieness in my life. And i do think that is the ultimate payback for my parents so far. My Moms Silence- the sound of silence, silence of the lambs, the silence is deafening has really communicated the reality for me that she was always silent, through thirty eight years it was all about her,: the screaming, the anger, the hatred, the evil looks, but when it came to me and my siblings:silence. Of course i guess now i realize there was lots of projection.. TW: it is so true: that there are other survivors, It is all we need sometimes to make it through to the next day.The wisdom in your comments has given me some piece of mind and some anti narc weapons.It does feel like a miricle. And Q, your blog has given me many laughs and smiles. Muchas Gracias
ReplyDeleteBetter to light a single FIERCE HUGE candle than to curse the darkness. But, we do both. We shine a light and curse those assholes and we call to each other, like mastadon to mastadon across the frozen tundra (woman). We call and we are answering and it is making a difference.
ReplyDeleteIf we could only get the psych community to read our empirical data. Rather than listening to third or 4th hand knowledge, think of how much USER DATA is here, for anyone to start to really understand this issue. These (non) people.
Rock on, Ungrateful Little Bastards. Rock on.
Very cool post. One of my favorite titles is Chainbreaker since many times these behaviors are generational. ACoNs are an amazing group of people searching to heal.
ReplyDelete